Living Through Paradoxes

Learnings from Eclipse season

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously wrote: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

This quote has deeply resonated during this Eclipse season. It's as if I'm navigating through a series of paradoxes, each twist and turn leaving me feeling stuck, unsure of my direction, confused on which path to take…while simultaneously wondering whether the purpose of these frustrations is to simply embrace stillness—to stop striving and instead embrace the art of being. To pause, to reflect, to observe. 

To summarize what I mean by this, these are the opposing feelings I’ve had within the past week:

• Inspired, yet drained: I have many ideas that I want to bring to life, yet haven’t had the energy to begin acting on them.

• Motivated, yet lost: The future I aspire to have excites me, but I’m struggling to determine what choices I make are through God’s will versus my controlling nature. 

• Proud, yet distressed: I’m celebrating the fact that I’m currently living through answered prayers, but at the same time, questioning whether I should be farther along by now.  

• Calm, yet restless: I’ve created more time for self-care and relaxation, yet the moment I lay on my couch or go on a walk in nature, my mind is still spinning on other things I could be doing.

• Present, yet distracted: I’m simmering in where I am, but simultaneously want time to speed up, for tomorrow to come sooner, for summer to be around the corner. 

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Going back to Fitzgerald’s quote… 

When life becomes turbulent, tossing me into intense waves of despair, it's natural for me to feel overwhelmed. Doubt creeps in, shrouding my vision of hope, leaving me questioning my own strength despite all of the mountains I’ve conquered before. 

During this sort of chaos, conflicting voices beg for my attention. On one side, everything feels unjust and I challenge the fairness of it all. “Why can’t I be like everyone else and not think so deeply about everything?” Yet, within the noise, there's also a gentle whisper, a voice of reason and resilience that speaks of purpose through the chaos, promising a breakthrough beyond the struggle. “What if it’s your superpower?”

So, how do I navigate these paradoxes? How do I rise above despair and embrace the uplifting voice within? Perhaps it starts with simply accepting the duality of my reality and acknowledging that both darkness and light can coexist, that both can be true.

Yes, life may seem confusing, but I can also trust the events are happening for me. I can do everything right without reaping desired results, and believe there is a day that I will achieve everything I deserve. It's a journey of contradictions, where the darkest nights pave the way for the brightest mornings.

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Where does one begin when wanting to embrace both despair and hope, without judgment or rejection?

Whenever I struggle to understand what I’m going through, I go back to the basics. Nature is abundant with paradoxes, presenting phenomena that seem contradictory or counterintuitive yet exist harmoniously–the butterfly effect, survival of the fittest vs. cooperation, cycles of destruction and renewal. Knowing this and knowing we are also forces of nature, what purpose is there to resist the paradoxes that arrive in our daily lives?

This remembrance allowed me to let go. To truly surrender. To stop thinking I know everything and to stop wishing I did. To allow myself to flow, with ease, and to stop taking things so seriously. To remember that every setback is followed by a comeback, that every breakdown leads to a breakthrough, that every tight grip eventually leads to a massive release.